>=)
“We all have a special gift, something that sets us apart from everyone else. Here, for the first time, is the shocking true story of Alice a girl whose heart is as big as the water-storing hump on her back.”
i tried to look up more stuff about her, but all other sites gave me pretty much the same thing as the caption above. i’ll keep looking, though.
-likecool.com
i got a little bored.
how does one go about un-friending someone? we’ll call this person dwight. just because i’ve been watching the office all day & that’s the first name that came to mind. dwight hasn’t done anything to me. nothing wrong at all. but i realized that our personalities just aren’t the same. we don’t click. i know some people usually worry about this type of stuff when considering if they want to date someone, but personally, i don’t even want to be friends if we’re not alike. i mean, i can be dwight’s acquaintance, but buddies? nnnaaah, i’m not down for that. i get easily annoyed by people, but i am rarely ever annoyed. how does that work? i’m not friends with annoying people. i avoid them like a plague. simple. anyways, here are some ways i’ve thought to break it to dwight:
+send him a notarized letter, letting him know it’s not me, it’s him. well. it’s not really him because he didn’t do anything wrong. but it for SURE isn’t me. i guess it’s neither. it’s more US. except it’s more him. less me. i’d put emphasis on that.
+find an enormous leaf, write a message on it, put said message in a bottle, send him said bottled message. what bottle should i use though? everyone loves sprite, right? so, even though it’d be an empty sprite bottle, it’d make dwight happy. because there once was a delicious drink inside & i have provided him something that is delicious to daydream about.
+spell it out on cupcakes. who doesn’t like cupcakes? i bet that person is ugly. except for the one person i know who doesn’t like cake. she’s not ugly. but i bet all the other people who don’t like cake are absolutely hideous. anyways, dwight’ll read the cupcakes, get sad, the realize, HEY. i have cupcakes. *snap* unsad. like magic.
+make dwight hate me. now, this option will be dang near impossible, i already know, because i’m not a mean person. (yvonne, this whole post is mean!) it’s not mean. it’s honest. & possibly a bit too blunt for your taste. but don’t worry, i’ve already dismissed this option. i don’t like going out of my way to be mean to people. too much time & effort required. (but this whole post is mean!) shutupthanks.
+initiate a shunning with dwight. funny that the actual dwight shunned andy in an episode. i’m thinking this could work. it won’t be as blatant as dwight did his, though.
well. glad that’s settled.
*this was half joking around & half not. i feel like i’m going to have to explain myself better to someone later on. i’ll deal with it when i get there, i guess.
its 4 something in the morning & I just prayed for someone who, as of late, has given me absolutely no reason to want to say bless you after a sneeze. I was praying for other stuff, then out of nowhere my focus turned to this person & I have absolutely no idea why. but I just prayed for this person. not just that, I spoke blessings upon you. I spoke healing. I spoke divine recollection in school. I spoke wealth. I spoke favor at your job. I spoke against untimely death in your family. i spoke against you lacking in anything. you will excel in everything you do. you are the first not last. no weapon formed against you shall prosper. may the lord watch over you wherever you go. I prayed that for you. & strangest of all, I prayed that the lord would guard your heart. I prayed that over & over & over again. it was like I was pleading to God for nothing bad to happen to your heart. once again, I have no idea where this came from & why I did this for someone I have no intention of ever befriending, but I did. well. that’s it. goodnight/morning.
one of my all time favorite intros to the office.
FINALLY. usually people decide to show up to church looking fresh on days i leave my camera at home. not today, pal! & half of them wore purple & black. which i later found out was not planned. here are the purple people.
saw this last week & forgot to post
today i woke up to a package on my porch. it was TheBox*. attached to it was a letter. it read as follows:
hey! sorry we took so long with your box. we know you’ve been looking all over for it. we just wanted to let you know that we had it all along. we noticed it tumbling by one day & we automatically knew we had two choices; send it back, or take it in. we really did consider giving it back. i mean, with this kind of box comes a lot of responsibility. the choice to take it in would for sure damage it in the long run, & could potentially fracture our boxes just a smidget, but we thought, why not. when you think about it, we were never that close so i figured it would be okay. no worries, though. although you may have been very worried that you lost your priceless gem, you’ll be happy to know it brought us so much happiness & joy. we had a blast playing with it. quite a fun little toy you’ve got there, that box.
oh & you’ve probably noticed by now that your box is a little bruised. we are sincerely sorry about that. no really, you have to believe us. we don’t have enough words to say how sorry we are. we understand if you never want your box to come near us again. that is perfectly understandable because that is exactly what we would do if in your position.
well, we hate to end this so abruptly, but we really should get going!
-we
i looked past the letter in my hands to TheBox sitting on the porch. it was in far worse shape than they described it in the letter. it had, what looked to be, a hundred spikes in it. there was also, what looked to be, a set of tire streaks all over it, but when i looked closer, i saw they were two sets of tire marks from two different vehicles. most of the outside of the box was badly burned. what got to me was the smell. it was terrible. it smelled like gasoline & what i imagine, a dead rabbit would smell like. i’m telling you, it was absolutely terrible. you’d have to be blind & nose-less not to notice. i’ll have to see about getting a new one in the future. i doubt it’ll happen, though.
-mUWAHaha.
*TheBox is not the chambered muscular organ that is embedded in my chest, but is, in fact, the chambered organ embedded in my cranium.
except it’s not midnight. or close to it. right at this moment it is an hour and thirty four minutes after midnight. aaah but who cares. lets just see what i come up with.
+i’m loving this 70 degree, winter weather texas is having. straight up lovin it.
+i haven’t taken a photo in a while. hold on, i’ll look it up & find out exactly when… twas 21 days ago. jeez.
+i hate peeing. it’s a waste of time. i could be doing something else. like not peeing.
+what would you do if someone wrapped your christmas gift in notebook paper? not even news paper.
+if my future bf/husband thinks that once he’s snagged me then he can just let himself go & eat bonbons all day, i will be all kinds of pissed (yes pissed comes in many different shapes & forms). & guys have every right to feel the same way about girls, too. i could elaborate as to why, but. nah.
+aaaaayeee! my jam (or whatever word you youngins (ha!) are using now’a days) just came on! hot thing by talib kweli.
+speaking of talib, i remember i first heard him in florida about 3 years ago. heard him on the radio, of all places. which is strange because the radio rarely plays good music. so i was like, “whaaaaa? who is THIS?! florida got that good radio!”
+i don’t like makeup. when i get around to it, i’ll wear eye liner & mascara. i just think i look a bit clown-ish when i put it on. i like watching people put it on, though, for some strange reason. some people can pull it off. then there are others. ooooh the others…
+i saw this one girl’s pictures on facebook… oh lawd. poor thing looked like she went bobbing for apples in a bucket of shadow, liner, glitter, fake lashes, lipstick, & a bunch of other goop. that apple must have been glued to the bottom of the bucket, because her FACE… goodness, her face. then she had the nerve to caption it with “HATE ON IT.” er something like that. bleh.
+when asked why mayweather sucks, some people use the excuse that he’s scared in the ring. all he does is run & dodge… i’m no boxing buff, but i’m preeeetty sure this isn’t street fighting. this is BOXING. the whole point is to hit & not get hit. “floyd, why you runnin?” BECAUSE THAT’S THE POINT. i could go on & on & on & on & on & on & on. then i could continue going on some more about mayweather. but i’ll save it. oooooh i’m fighting the urge to keep going [PAUSE] but i’ll save it.
+my mom once told my sister if she didn’t be quiet, she’d crack her scull open. & none of us even flinched. funny how being exposed to nigerian threats toughened us up a bit. if an american parent said that to his/her kid, CPS would be called immediately.
+i was pretty proud of myself for breaking my addiction to crackstick (also known as chapstick). i moved on to this other stuff called smooth lips, & coupled with some clear Victoria’s Secret lip gloss [shout out. PAY ME.], i was able to make it last longer without my having to reapply it every 10 minutes. but then i ran out of smooth lips. & relapsed into using crackstick. so FAIL for me.
+i’ve said it before, & i’ll say it again. i hate seeing pregnant ladies scarf down the world then follow it up with “i’m eating for two.” PLEASE, you can’t expect me to believe that unborn FETUS requires the portion sizes of an elephant. what DOES cause pregnant women to overeat, according to my mom, is something about hormones er something like that. so kids, if your mom’s a bit on the “pleasantly plump” side (as one would say in double speak), don’t let her guilt you into thinking it’s all you & those 9 month’s fault.
i’m done.
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